May Highlights

May was a whirlwind month so cramed full I feel like I barley stopped. But it was good. =)

I served for the first time in our churches children's ministry! It was delightful! I don't like missing the sermon (Until I can listen to it later), but I love hanging with the kids and helping them with crafts. In other church news we had a farewell dinner for one of our pastors (My young adults pastor). We hadn't had a casual dinner like that together since COVID started. Even our picnic was much more structured and distanced. This was amazing. <3

We had celebrated my moms birthday early, but on her actually birthday we all spontaniously decided to meet up for lunch. It was really fun. =D

 

My family has a really good patch of woods behind our property and we used to have a path up there, but its grown over. My sister and I spent a couple days clearing the path, so now we can walk up the again!

Rebekkah, my mom, and I went on a hike in Colorado Bend state park. It was more intense then I'm used to, but the view was worth it! The pictures from my Love Defined posts were from that hike. 

Both of the bible study's I attend ended for the summer. One of them ended with a group meetup in person, since we hadn't been able to meet much at all with COVID. The other ended with a group hike and late night snacks. =D

I got to go my favorite little girls birthday party. She turned five, and had a Mulan birthday party, had a face painter. I got my arm painted with a purple butterfly. =) I hadn't been to a kids birthday party in a LONG time, and it was delightful. 

We've been trying to tame our barn cat kitten, and my sister named it Orangesicle. I finally got to pick it up this month! He's getting used to us really quickly! 

  

Rebekkah and I finally decided that we didn't like our purple and yellow walls anymore, so my bother came over and helped us re-paint. I might do a better tour of our room later, but this at least shows the new creamy lilac purple! It took us three days to empty our room, paint, and get all our stuff back in. 

It rained an insain amount. At this point I am sick of rain, which I'm not used to, because normally its super dry around here. 

Rebekkah and I went on a working vacation with some friends of ours. We went to the beach and  helped watch the kids. It was fantastic! We got to play with the boys in the water, chill on the beach, and just hang out with them. 

Since there aren't many adult reading challenges, so my family decided to start our own. We each made our own goals and made reading charts. My goal is to read 28 books over the next three months. Since I don't have work, it should be a fun challenge! 

All the Boxcar Children, and Marcia Schulyler were re-reads. Marcia Schulyer was my favorite re-read and I didn't really like either of my new reads. 

Yellow Rose of Texas Rewatch: My sister is a big Roy Rogers fan, so we re-watched this together. I'm not a huge fan of westerns, but Roy Rogers is awesome.

Frozen Rewatch: This was with some of the kids I babysit, but I enjoyed it a lot. 

Tangled TV: I have been slowly watching through this show with some of the kids I babysit, and a few times on my own. Its cute, but nothing amazing. If you're a Tangled fan, it's cute. 

Kit Kittredge, Samantha, Molly America Girl: My sister mentioned these the other day. We hadn't watched them since they were kids and enjoyed them all. Honestly, if you just need some cute movies to chill with, these are great!

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 1&2: The boys I watch wanted to watch these. They were wacky, and entertaining, but nothing amazing. 

The Chosen 2:4 2:5: These we not my favorite episodes. They were super well done, but I had some trouble watching them for personal reasons. 

Wacky babies Rewatch: This was a movie where they voice over baby animals, and it is a riot. I laughed so hard. XD 

Boxcar Children surprise island: This is a really simplistic cartoon, and one of the most relaxing movies I've watched in forever.

Mission impossible Rewatch: Same as always. This show is an awesome. We dived back into season one, which we haven't watched in awhile, so that's fun.

Voyager Rewatch: Just five more episodes! We're almost done!

Kitchen Sink Summer of 1999

Seeing Voices Books for Christian Girls 

Birthday Explorations A Farm Girls Life

May 2021 Monthly Wrap-up Hailey Hudson

8 Tips for Clothes Shopping During a Pandemic Life Without a Latte

How was your month?

S M I L E

This is something I wrote a while back and just now felt up to sharing. 

 That laugh 

I haven’t heard in so long 

So genuine 

So deep 

It makes me smile 

Just to hear it

But somewhere 

Deep inside 

It makes me sad 

To know it was you 

Who made them laugh like that 

Not me 

But I love them enough 

To wish them well 

And hope you make them smile

For a long time to come 

And hope someday 

I’ll be able to make them laugh to 

Love Defined (Part 2)

This is the second part of Love Defined. It includes three letters instead of just one, so I've labeled them to make it easier! 

From him to her:

They always told me I was an idiot. I believe them now. Two years haven’t softened the blow of how true those words are. 

They said I shouldn’t respond, but I couldn’t leave your letter alone. 

Just like I couldn’t tell you the day I had to leave. And I couldn’t tell you the reason why. Just like I couldn’t bear to tell you I was at your graduation. Or that I haven’t been in Australia for the last year and a half. I’ve been two states away. 

I couldn’t bear to tell you. Even now the words are sticking in my chest. Because I still love you. And I know what love is. 

Love is you not minding when I had other friends. 

Love was you always texting me good morning. 

Love was you making me smile when no one else ever could. 

Love was you staying up until midnight to talk when you really needed to sleep. 

Love was you getting out of bed every morning when you didn’t feel like it just to spend time with me. 

Love was you helping me with homework. 

Love was you never getting upset when I had to leave to spend time with my siblings. 

Love was you caring for me for two years when I never even contacted you. 

And I’d like to say it was love that kept me from writing you back. But I can’t. It was fear. 

That last time we were together you said there was no fear in love. But there is. 

There was fear as I drove away for the last time, and a car crashed into me. 

There was fear as I woke up in the hospital room, completely disorientated.

There was fear as I realized I couldn’t see anymore. Or when they told me I might not ever be able to see again. 

There was fear as I got on a plane with my sister, bound for a hospital in Australia. 

There was fear for six months as they tried to restore my sight. 

But the most fear I’ve ever felt is when they told me they couldn’t help anymore. That I was blind for good. 

And I’ve spent almost two years trying to come to grips with it. But there’s so much I can’t do. 

I can’t drive or paint anymore. I can’t watch the stars or write you letters. I can’t take care of anyone. Which means I can’t take care of you. 

When I came to the hospital, I wanted to call you. I wanted to tell you what happened. 

They told me I would be stupid to drag you back into the relationship with someone who couldn’t see. They told me I should just leave you out of it. 

And I believed them. After those first few weeks, I couldn’t imagine bringing you into my mess. I couldn’t walk without banging into things. I couldn’t feed myself without making a mess. I couldn’t do anything I should be able to do. 

I was so afraid, I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I had been crushed. I had so many plans for our future. 

I had planned for us to be married, now that we’re both eighteen. I planned for us to have a small house with a pool for you to enjoy. I had planned on us going to church at the little chapel on second street, which had the best pastor and people who cared. I planned on getting you away from your parents and starting a life of our own. 

Now I can’t take care of you, and you deserve so much more than I can give. 

I always meant to come back. But how can I? They told me I would hold you down. That I would make it worse. And I believed them. 

I’m sorry I did.

I’m sorry for walking out on you when you needed me. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I left you alone with your parents. I’m sorry I never had the courage to tell you what happened. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you. I’m sorry you had to be alone. I’m sorry we both had to be alone. 

I’ve been an idiot, and I know what that means. 

I walked out on the one person who cared most for me. I stayed away from the one person who understood what I was going through. I denied you the ability to help me. I denied myself comfort. Being an idiot is not talking to someone for two years because it feels easier than confessing. 

I’m a coward and I know it. 

I’m not even brave enough to come tell you in person. I’m not brave enough to let you see me, and not be able to see you back. I’m a coward. I won’t even ask my sister to drive me the six hours to your house. 

I know I’m a coward, and an idiot, and a lot of other things. 

But I’m also in love with you. Two years haven’t changed that. 

If you get a call at three AM, you’ll know who it’s from. 

 

From her to him:

They told me you’d never write back. I guess they were wrong. They said you’d probably just wanted to dump me. I’m glad to know they were wrong about that. 

I want to be mad at you. I really do. 

The anger is welling inside of me. You had no right to close me out. 

Love sticks with someone even with it’s tough. Love doesn’t just leave. Love does the hard thing. 

And I hoped you knew I was willing to do what you did for me all those years. You stuck with me, even when life wasn’t easy. You held me when I needed it. 

I wish you had realized that I wanted to be there for you. 

But as much as I want to be mad at you, I can’t. 

I know right where you’re coming from. 

And I know how much bravery it took to tell me after two years. 

So thank you. 

Thank you for telling me. 

I’ve been sitting at the computer, trying to figure out how to tell you that I think we can still be together. 

I think you can still care for me, and I’ll care for you. 

I think we can make up for the two years apart. 

I think we can manage. 

So please come to me. Or let me come to you. We’d made a perfect team, you and I. Just like we used to.  

Don’t just shove me away because you're scared. 

Don’t just leave me here all alone. 

Don’t let your pride get in the way of our love. 

Don’t let yourself believe you are any less for this. 

I don’t love you any less for this. 

Please don’t leave me here without you any longer. 

So call me. Find me. We’ll work this out. 

I love you. 

From him to her:

They told me you’d never come. I guess they were wrong. Because even though I couldn’t see you, I never felt so aware of your presence. A part of me seemed crushed by the weight of that love. 

That love that drove six hours just to see me. 

That love that ran to meet me, even when I couldn’t see where you were. 

That love that forgave me, and held me. 

That love that stayed up until midnight talking with me. 

That love that cried with me over the lost years. 

That love that said we could try again. 

I don’t know how you could love me like that. But I love you for it. 

 

Love Defined (Part One)

This is a short story I wrote a while back. It is kind of a poetical style of letters that I haven't tried before. It will have one more part posted next week. 

They told me sixteen was too young to fall in love. They told me that it wouldn’t last. That I would forget about you soon enough.

They told me that I didn’t know what love really meant. 

But I knew. 

Love was the time I was mad and locked myself in my room, but you sat silently outside my door and waited until I was ready to come out and talk. 

Love was you doing the dishes for me one night just because. 

Love was cutting a date short because you knew I had homework to do.

Love was you picking me up at the door of my work when it was pouring rain. 

Love was you laying in a field with me, watching the stars. 

Love was sitting next to me in church because I couldn’t stand for the songs.

Love was you prodding me to get out of my comfort zone and try new things. 

Love was being willing to get up a five AM to drive to a doctor’s appointment with me. 

Love was standing up for me in front of my dad. 

Don’t try to skew my perception of love. I know what it is. I know my parents were trying to show love to me when they told me I would forget soon enough. That obviously you weren’t good enough for me if you would leave like that. 

And I know what stupid is. Just in case you were wondering. 

Stupid is taking a plane to Australia without telling anyone. It’s running away without telling anyone why. Stupid is never writing or calling, or texting to say why in the world you left. 

They told me it was because you didn’t care, but I couldn’t believe that. 

I know what caring is. 

Caring is showing up on my birthday and finding me not feeling well, so canceling all your well-laid-out plans and just watching cartoons with me instead. Caring is telling me about your plans for college, when all we really wanted to talk about was plans for our future. 

They told me sixteen was too young to plan my future. That there was a whole world of options out there and I shouldn’t just take the first thing that looked good. 

But you told me we would prove them wrong. It’s been two years, and we haven’t proven them wrong. 

They were right. There are other good things out there. Like graduation ceremony’s, and ice cream on a hot day. There’s watching my friends start life’s, and jobs at boutiques. 

But those things all ring hollow without you. 

Love is being there for the ones you care about. It’s about not making them stand up to get a diploma alone when their parents are both working and can’t come. It’s about being there to share small moments. It’s about celebrating others' success together. It’s about communication. 

They told me if you cared you would write to me. 

They were wrong. 

Because I know you care about me. I know you still love me, you just don’t want to admit it. 

Love is saying all the things you know need to be said. Love is writing when it’s hard. 

I know, because I didn’t want to write to you. 

I know what hard is. Hard is starting the first day of a job without anyone to celebrate with me. It’s having to drive yourself to the doctors when you’re in so much pain you’re not sure you should be driving. Hard is coming home every day to an empty house, and an empty mailbox. It’s not attending college because you can’t drag yourself out of bed that many times a week. Hard is having to explain what your best friend isn’t here when you don’t even know the answer. 

Hard is something I’ve come to know far better than I ever thought I would. 

They told me I didn’t have any hope of recovery. I wanted to prove them wrong. 

But recovery is such a broad term. Recovered is being able to drive myself everywhere. Being able to get up four days out of seven so I can work. Recovered is being able to make my own meals, and not be crippled with pain every time I get up. 

But recovered is not being able to live normally. It’s not being able to go to college. It’s not being able to chase after the one person I ever truly loved. 

Recovery is something I’m always working on. Some days I do better than others. 

But two years have taught me a lot about how to overcome. But I’ve never gotten used to doing it without you. It’s not like it used to be.

Remember how you used to help me up the stairs when I was tired? You used to always bring me home early because you didn’t want to wear me out. You used to say it was okay to not be like everyone else, that you liked me just the way I was. 

But was it my problems that drove you away? If so I wouldn’t blame you. Even I feel repelled some days by my own health. 

I haven’t really forgiven you for running, but I would understand if it was just my health. 

They said you were too blithe to be saddled with a depression like me. They said I would slow you down. They were right, but you never seemed to care.

From the first day I met you, I’ve slowed you down. That first day I came in, wobbling on my crutches after surgery and you helped me. Every day after that you helped me to class. I slowed you down at your games because you would always help me to a seat before you went to gear up. I slowed you down at friendships because people never really liked how much we stuck together. 

Was I slowing you down too much? 

They said our love would never last. That teens had no idea how to build a lasting relationship together. 

They were wrong. Because long after you left, I’ve still loved you. 

And I love you even now, with every fiber of my being. I miss the way you said goodnight, pressing a kiss to my knuckles like we were a regency couple. I miss the way you opened doors for me. I miss the way you always fell asleep against me during movies. I miss the way you always complimented how I looked, even when I looked terrible. I miss having a reason to get up every day. 

But I wanted to let you know that even if you called at three AM I would answer and want to talk. 

Even if you couldn’t talk about us, I would listen. Even if you just needed someone to say hello to, I’m here for you. 

Because I don’t know what dragged you away. I don’t know if it was me, or someone else, or even you. 

But I do know that I love you. 

They said my love would fade over time, but they were wrong. 

Love waits, checking every day for news for you. It holds fast to friends, even when they let go. Love dares to hope that you still love back. It waits patiently for you to be ready. Love picks up the phone every time it rings, hoping it will be you. Even at three in the morning. 

Love was waiting for you. Please come back.

 

April Highlights

April was absolutely packed, and it just flew by because of that!

My dad had surgery to correct a pinched nerve in his back. Thankfully it went very well, but recovery is going to take quite a while. While he was at the hospital my sister and I had a movie binge party to help with the stress. 

My sister and I continued helping our friends move by painting, kid wrangling, and organizing. It was really fun. They are now moved, so we've been able to step back from that for a bit. 

My family celebrated Passover twice this year because we had two different families who wanted to share it with us, so we did a night for each. That is always a lot of fun. =D I was not as into this year as normal, but I did enjoy it. After that, we had a great family Easter at church and Mexican food lunch. <3 This was our first Easter getting to celebrate with my sister Sarah's boyfriend, Scott, so that was extra fun. =)

Our family on Easter! From left to right: Rebekkah, my dad, Rose, Scott, Michael (rear), Sarah, Grace (rear), my mom, and me. =) 

My sister's goat had twins! They are Nigerian Dwarf goats, so they are the cutest little things ever. <3

I met up with Hannah Wright (Her debut novel comes out this month). She and I ate lunch together and explored my hometown a bit. That was really fun! 

I officially became a member of my church this month. This has been a long process for me for a lot of reasons. I was very attached to a church when I was younger, and leaving it did not go well. My family ended up just having church at home for a very long time before we found the church I am part of now. It's been three years since I started attending, and I have found such an epic community. I cannot believe God led me to such a good place after such a rough ride getting here. <3 

So since my dad had back surgery we had to get a shorter dining table. Good news, our old table was getting pretty old, and having a lot of issues anyway. So my sister, mom, and I went to pick one out from Ikea, and we found just what we wanted. The only catch: they only had it available in San Antonio, which is 2 1/2 hours from us. We decided to go ahead and pick it up, so we drove there, arriving home at nine at night with a new table and chairs. We assembled it the next day, and now we have a nice, normal highth table, which is weird after having a super tall one for so long!

 

My sister Rebekkah, Mom, and I are trying to explore more of the cool places around us, so we went to Zilker Botanical gardens. It was awesome! I nearly froze because I dressed for spring weather, and it was just over thirty degrees that morning. XD 

My family went on a short family vacation (four days), to the coast. The day before us girls had a bit of a home spa day while watching a movie just to chill. For the first day, we went to the Houston Natural History Museum, which was epic. It had a giant globe, a pendulum clock, so many interesting gems/rocks, and a planetarium. I was not as much a fan of the dino and Egyptian displays, but my family enjoyed them. ;) For the next three days, we rode the ferry a lot because they have amazing dolphin watching on them. I saw a baby dolphin for the first time!! We swam in the ocean, ate at some great restaurants, flew kites, and played some family games. It was a really good vacation!

It was a slow reading month due to all my work. The three on top were new reads and The Shadowfeilds was my favorite! It was a sweet, slow book that I just loved. My favorite re-read (of two) was The Unexpected Request by Rebekah Moris. 

It was a bit of a slow movie month too, which was rather nice! 

Rise of the Guardians: One of my all-time favorite animations. It has the most incredible plot, and it fires my imagination. 

Lego Movie 2: This is one of my comfort movies. I love it so much and watch it when I need a pick-me-up. 

Little Dogs on the Prarie: this is a childhood favorite that I and my siblings enjoyed rewatching. It is humorous but carries a good point, even for adults. 

Zorro with Duncan Regehr: This is my favorite Zorro ever (and I've seen a lot). He doesn't kill, and the show has really good morals. 

Mission Impossible: Y'all already know my thoughts on this show. It's epic. 

The Chosen: Season 2 episodes 1-3. This was my first time watching a live stream of a show, so it was really cool. I have loved the new episodes. <3 

Star Trek DS9: I tried out a bit of (censored) DS9. It's not my favorite, but I do like the characters. 

Battle Star Galactica: (Old TV show) This show was a childhood favorite, so I rewatched the pilot with my sister. It's got some content I did not enjoy, but it did make me sob at the end of the pilate (if you know, you know). 

I really did not make time to read blog posts this month, so I don't have anything to put here. 

So yeah, my month was crazy busy (I couldn't fit it all one here or you would be here forever), but it was also very good. How was your month?