Retrospect

I wrote this poem a while back and it's something that is very dear to me. A testimony to God's goodness. It was too special to share for a while, but I thought now was a good time.

Retrospect 

I’m looking at the beginning 

From the end 

My heart seems to skip a beat 

At all the things that have changed 

At sixteen I was trusting 

Happy and peppy 

I was self-confident 

Then it all fell apart 

And I did too 

At sixteen and seventeen 

I was broken 

Heartsick and undone 

I felt inside out and useless 

I drew closer to God  

In a way I never had before 

I clung to Him 

And I grew up

I lost part of myself 

And I gained a lot of hurt 

And a lot of wisdom 

At eighteen the hurt eased 

Into a background ache

There, but not constant 

I worked on recovering 

And moving on 

And coming to terms 

Of living differently 

At nineteen 

Everything changed again 

And healing beyond hope

Came to rest on me 

And now I’ve got to learn 

How to live with a full heart 

One that is so different 

Then when I started this journey 

Everything is different 

And as much as this changing hurt 

I wouldn’t change it 

God gave me this cross to bear 

And He choose to take it away 

My cup overflows 

As I look in retrospect 

And see how much He taught me 

How much He loves me 

And how He held me 

I Am Really Good at Hiding

When I was five, one of my family members hurt my feelings. I have no idea what it was about, but I went into my closet and crawled behind all the clothes. They came in and tried to talk to me, but I wouldn't talk to them.

I was really good at hiding even then.

When I was sixteen, I learned that books were a really good place to hide too. I had a really hard month, and I learned that in books I could hide. I could get away from everything.

Today, I don't hide in my closet so much as my room. And I still use books, but a lot of times they are just ones I'm writing in my brain.

I use these things to hide from things every day. I have gotten to be really good at hiding. I hide from conversations I don't want to have. Things I don't want to hear. Emotions I don't want to feel. My conscious yelling in my ear.

The problem with hiding is that it feels very right when I'm doing it. Until recently, I had never really stopped to consider how much hiding hurt me and the people around me. The biggest problem is the way it interferes with my relationships. I have taught myself to hide from everything so much that I now have to fight to stay in the open.

This gets in the way of how I interact with people, God, and my work. It hurts people when I run. It hurts my relationships, and it hurts me.

Hiding seems to innocent until I really stop to investigate it. I never want to have people tell me I just run away from things, hiding in my own little world until I think it's "safe."

I was reading in Act's this week about the apostles, and how some of them were preaching in a city, and were mocked, and persecuted, but they just stayed. They kept doing what they were supposed to do. 

That's what I want to be. And I know I'll never get there without God's help. God never told anyone to hide from hurt. He just providing shelter inside the storm.

By hiding, I am basically telling God that I don't think His shelter is enough.

I don't know about you, but that's really not how I want to be acting every day. Staying is hard, but so are dealing with the consequences of my problems.

I don't want to hide anymore. I'm tired of running away from my problems and from lessons, God is trying to teach me into the storm.

What about you?

June Highlights || Giveaway Winner

My June was really awesome, one of the biggest things being able to go to Oklahoma with my sister. 

(Giveaway winner announced at bottom of post)

I got sick and spent a lot of time reading, watching Emergency, and cuddling some kittens we found.

I went shopping four times with my sisters and mom. One time my sister Grace and I just walked around Walmart for an hour, picking out a gift for a friend of mine. =)

First thing one morning, I took a bike ride. It was awesome to be out that early on my bike. The only problem was that I was exhausted for the whole day afterward. ;D

My Mom took me to a river and we sat watching the water and ducks together. It was amazing.

I spent a lot of time sorting photos and listening to books. I don't love going through photos, but I love listening to books, so it balanced out.

We opened up our pool again, which has been so. much. fun.

I decided to make my own book sleeve. So following this tutorial, I made two, though one of them I adjusted down the size to fit a Nancy Drew perfectly. I don't know why I waited so long to make these, because they are awesome.

One of my books, Just Your Ordinary Sister, has been on and off my "currently writing" list for three years now. This month I finally sat down and finished it off. Then I promptly went in, bouncing up and down and screaming with excitement to my sister. ;D

I drove with my sister to Oklahoma so she could meet with friends. It really meant I got two days with sixteen hours in the car to talk to Rose. We read most of a book together and drank a whole lot of tea and poweraid. I had the awesome experience of meeting the main actor/producer of my favorite movie (The War Withen), Brett Varvel. I got to drive two hours on the way home and got on my second only highway, and it was all in the pouring rain. It was a surprisingly good experience.

It was my sister Sarah's birthday, so we had a party which involved hamburgers and water balloons. That's just a recipe for fun. I had a blast (I'm just assuming everyone else did to) and ended up staying up until 11 playing Wii with my siblings after most everyone else had left.

My favorite book I read this month was The Number of Love. It was beautiful. =D 

My least favorite was Time Will Tell. It sadly fell short of most of Anne Mateer's books.

Questions Answered Aria 

Recent Art A Farm girls Life

Why I Love Journaling Totally Graced

Voted Most Likely Blogger Tag Read Another Page

1'st Year of College in Review Sunshine and Scribblers

Strengths and Weaknesses in Characters The Left-Handed Typest

Plate Update and My Summer Reading Stack Once Upon An Ordinary

Thank you so everyone who entered my giveaway! The winner was Rebekah Morris! Congradulations!! I'll be emailing you about your prize soon!

How was your month? Do you have a book sleeve? Do you like biking?

The Old River Road

The Old River Road  is celebrating its 3^rd birthday, and we’re having a party! But it’s not just any party. We’re also celebrating the book’s re-release of a whole new edition with new content and the author’s new pen name.

The Old River Road was the author’s debut novel, published under then pen name Ivy Rose. Now, she has changed her pen name to her real name—Hailey Rose. This new edition reflects the name change, along with some brand new sections inside.

Haven’t heard about the book before? Here’s a formal introduction!

When seventeen-year-old Clara Boutwell married her dashing coworker, William McDonald, she was convinced her life was nearly perfect. For newlyweds in the great city of Chicago, the journey ahead was exciting and promising. When a frightening disease takes William in its grip, the young couple is forced to the clean air of the western frontier in a desperate attempt to save his life. On the eastern Washington prairies, the McDonalds face hardships and trials in a new world where everything is tested, from physical endurance to emotional strength—down to their relationship and faith in the Lord.

This novel tells the incredible true story of Clara and William, the great-great grandparents of the author, in a sweet narrative full of laughter, tears, and the struggles of an early pioneering family. Prepare yourself to share in their experience as you read this account of a pioneer family in Washington state, and see their lasting legacy that has endured into the fifth generation.

About the Author: Hailey is a young novelist with a passion to create beautiful fiction. Armed with a desire to make scenarios readers can easily relate to, she writes in many genres about ordinary individuals faced with extraordinary choices. Two of her novels have been independently published. As a chronic illness warrior, Hailey eagerly encourages others to find joy no matter what the circumstances. In her free time, she loves dancing, playing music, and enjoying various outdoor activities in the Pacific Northwest.

Blog: www.LakesidePublications.com

Instagram: @AuthorHaileyRose

Facebook: @AuthorHaileyRose

If you haven't read this book, follow the link right here to get it on Amazon. It is amazing. It's so unlike most novels out there.

Also, there are still two days to enter my giveaway here.

20 || Giveaway

Today is my twentieth birthday. I think it was pretty awesome that it landed on Friday, my posting day. So this is my first birthday on my new blog. =)

I turn 20 today. I'm pretty excited about this because it means several awesome things:

1. I am no longer a teenager (Still have mixed thoughts on that).

2. I am officially old enough people might stop asking my parents why they're letting me do things on my own.

3. I have survived two decades. (100% by the grace of God)

4. Now all my siblings and I are in our twenties.

5. I am holding a giveaway!

So I decided to celebrate I would hold a giveaway just for fun. I will be giving away a ten dollar amazon gift card! The giveaway is open internationally and it will be open for one week. I'll announce the winner next Friday.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!