S H O U T

Why?

I shout the word in a small room

Screaming it loud in my head

Feeling the weight of it

Reverberating in my soul

You could have stopped it.

I accused, glaring at the thin red paint

Feeling the truth of it

Bringing tears to my eyes

Didn’t you care?

This time it’s softer

My head pressed against the wall

With tears trickling down my face

The cold dampness going deeper then my skin

I know you had a purpose.

The pain of that statement stings

And I ball my fists at my sides 

Because even in it’s truth

It hurts

Please help me understand.

I press my eyes closed

Beginning to feel a modicum of peace

Because even if I don’t understand it all

I still understand His goodness

I’m sorry

I pull in a breath of cool air

And feel the pain continuing to throb

But I know He cares

And He’s okay with my pain

I love you

A shudder runs up my spine

I feel the truth of His love to

And His patience with me

And slowly

I feel okay again